Alan "Malty" Maltman joined the band as a piper in 1993 and became Pipe Sergeant in 1996. He has been playing since he was ten years old. He was born and raised in Dumfries, where he still lives and works, although there's dispute over his actual occupation - we suspect he works for the Dumfries & Galloway Library Service

When did you start playing and who with?

I started with the Dumfries British Legion band in 1970, when I was 10 years old. When I first started, the band was under PM Hamish Thow.

What inspired you to start playing?

Seeing and hearing an army pipe band (I think it was probably the KOSB) when I was a kid. That and the fact my parents were too mean to buy a Steinway.

What other bands do you like to see and hear?

Simon Fraser University, Field Marshal Montgomery

Who/What has influenced you in your playing?

Lessons with Ian Clowe and listening to the playing of top soloists such as John Burgess, PM Angus MacDonald and especially Donald McPherson.

Do you have any favourite tunes or musical pieces?

Too many to mention although I always enjoy the PM playing by himself. I think I got that right.

Are there any particular pipe band or solo performances that stand out in you mind?

Alistair Gillies' recital at the Hole in the Wa' pub in Dumfries at the Dumfries Piping Club several years ago. FMM winning the worlds in 2002 - outstanding.

What do you do for a living?

I work for Dumfries and Galloway Library Service in the obscene publications department where I get to work the laminator.

What other hobbies do you have?

Reading naughty books, yawning and shouting at the telly.

What other types of music do you like to listen to?

The late string quartets of Beethoven and the lesser known symphonies of Tony Hatch. And I frequently dip into Wagner's Ring.

Do you play any other instruments?

The washboard in the style of the late Derek Guyler ! Oohhhh yes !

Any amusing moments that stick in your mind from your years in pipe bands?

Yes but fear of litigation prevents me from mentioning them.

What, if anything, annoys you in the pipeband world?

A few things:
The self-perpetuating shortbread tin image, especially white hose -who'd wear white socks with a suit? Massed bands. Useless beer tents. All of which can be found at Cowal bloody Games, the epicentre of sh*te.

What's been the best band trip (not necessarily with D&G Police)?

Portree on the Isle of Skye - 1997. Especially the tunnel to the moon

What are the highlights of your playing career?

Keith Higham buying me a pint after the contest at Annan Riding of the Marches.

And are there any low points?

Every time I'm asked to play Highland Cathedral.

What are your goals within the pipe band world?

Grade 1 and beyond!

Finally, if you could be re-incarnated as anyone, at any point in history, who would it be?

The doctor who provided contraceptive advice to Mr and Mrs Leo Blair.